the movement of music

i have had a glass of red wine and fired up the vaporizer. this is how i reward myself often.

i put off the absent flipping through notecards task i should take on to make a mix for someone. and i listen to a song that i was given on a mix that promised this notion of an "us."

i think about a couple of things. i think of how we promise ourselves to each other, but how often are we able to give our whole self? i don't know that i can do that...ever. i didn't. i can't see how i could. i think of how i'm giving this song given to me to someone else. is that ok? when does what was once intimate become commonplace? or do we save those intimacies and just transfer them to other people?

i am recalling my 22-year old life right now and i feel like that former version of self is a weird stranger. i feel outside of that version of self.

it is bizarre, the way we become the people we become.