tonight i wanna dance with someone else

so i've been doing a lot more sit-ups lately and i kind of think that though there is the allybelly that wants to stay, the upper part of my abs kind of have... definition? i feel weird saying that, but it kinda looks that way.

MORE SIT-UPSSSSS.

i like to get into the groove, too. the dancing in the room all the time. oof. love it.

dance more. that should be a mantra.

the movement of music

i have had a glass of red wine and fired up the vaporizer. this is how i reward myself often.

i put off the absent flipping through notecards task i should take on to make a mix for someone. and i listen to a song that i was given on a mix that promised this notion of an "us."

i think about a couple of things. i think of how we promise ourselves to each other, but how often are we able to give our whole self? i don't know that i can do that...ever. i didn't. i can't see how i could. i think of how i'm giving this song given to me to someone else. is that ok? when does what was once intimate become commonplace? or do we save those intimacies and just transfer them to other people?

i am recalling my 22-year old life right now and i feel like that former version of self is a weird stranger. i feel outside of that version of self.

it is bizarre, the way we become the people we become.

i'll be in the water

so as a result of a series of quad-straining activities (soccer practice, a long bike ride, rock climbing, dancing, soccer practice again), my quads were barkin' yesterday. so today i went swimming instead. it's been awhile since i've been swimming... i think the last time might have been august? and i cannot remember the last time i legitimately SWAM, like laps. and then there was today!

i consider any day i exercise to be a day in which i'm doing something good for myself. regardless of how shitty i feel going into the workout, i'm always satisfied i did it afterward. swimming today was an awakening for me. i've always been a good swimmer, but since i haven't done it in a long while, i was supremely rusty. but it makes me want to become better. YAY!

last night i found the century ride i want to do. it's dubbed "america's most beautiful ride." bring it on! so tomorrow i'm wrapping my quads and trying to get in a bike workout.

positive self-realization today: i am a good dresser. take that, poorly-styled girlfriend of one of my crushes!

i believe...

something good for me today?

A HOT BATH. WITH MY MORNING JACKET PLAYING. AND LEMONGRASS CARDAMOM BUBBLES. yes, please!

i also decided to take care of my quads; they are very sore and a long bike ride and dancing last week weakened them just so that today, during soccer practice, i thought i was going to fall down. ice and compression, baby!

the first day

so i decided to start this blog as a good friend/soul sister of mine noted there's some negative stuff going on inside my mind about myself.

this blog is going to make me think about the ways in which i'm good and the good things i've done for myself. it'll also just be a place to get out all the thoughts. warning: this may seem self-indulgent at points. there, you have been warned.

yesterday i drank red wine. i enjoy red wine but often don't drink it because i often don't buy it and i don't want to drink it when i'm out or else i'll be a sleepy kitten at said bar or restaurant. so my housemate and i drank red wine, talked, listened to radiohead and pink floyd, and lazed around. all in all, a really wonderful way to pass a day.

and today i cleaned out a set of drawers (with the intention of finding a disc for my computer... no luck... but i think i know where it is). i also cleaned up my room yesterday, so my space is something that i enjoy being in rather than just some weird clothes dumping ground and a bed.

slow steps to learning to love me more.